09.04
I never really thought my life was worth putting under a microscope. As a matter of fact, I never really thought about it at ALL. Up until a couple years ago, I assumed the only person who needed to put my life under any scrutiny was me, while trying to put the pieces of whatever has been broken inside back together again. But first I would need to understand the what and the why, I guess.
A couple years ago my good friend Christian Einfeldt, after being on the receiving end of my endless psychotic ramblings for a long time, suggested I write a biography. I laughed at the thought at first because, after all, nobody outside the world of technology would even know my name… let alone be interested in reading an entire book written by and about someone they didn’t know and could care less about. But from what he said, the stories of my life were interesting enough to justify it. To me, it’s just my life, but to others it might either serve as entertainment, or in many cases, a warning. Or perhaps, if only to a few, a way to help them heal their own damaged lives. If I can pull off that much, it would be worth every minute I put into dredging the recesses of my mind to share all of the ups, the downs, and the chaos with anyone who wants to listen.
So what I decided to do was get a new domain (DoxtaterLive.com is something I wanna keep light, fun, careless, informative, or whatever else I feel like doing with it) and start posting stories that I remember. I said “remember” because, sadly, much of my 20s are lost in a fog so thick I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to put all of the pieces together in any sort of sensible order. But the good news is, the more I write (yes, I’ve started writing already), the more I remember. It’s actually rather cathartic to be completely honest. So that’s something I suppose. I also get a ton of memories from talking to old friends. I’ve found that when they start telling stories from our shared past… pieces I literally didn’t remember prior to that moment in time… it brings it all back to me in enough detail that I can write it down and, in the end, have even more pieces to the puzzle that is me.
If anything, this will help me exercise my personal demons. As I said, it’s a cathartic experience, and something everyone should sit down and try. Trust me, it’s amazing what you can get out of it in the end. I’m just happy I can pull lucid thoughts from this old brain :)
So, there you have it. I’ve already bought the domain and have started putting it together. Making it look like a site I’m proud to attach my name to. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to write these passages in any sort of chronological order. I’m going to try to, but what will most likely happen is I will write things down as I remember them, or as they come up in conversation with others. As I do this, I will try to date it as accurately as possible, then create something similar to a table of contents. Then as time moves on I can flesh it out more and more. In the end, when it’s all said and done, we’ll have a complete “book”. At this point I really couldn’t sit down and write a book from beginning to end about my life because, as I said, there are big black holes for the better part of my 20s, and big chunks of my childhood. This is going to be challenging, but I’m looking forward to it. At the moment, I’m going to keep the site name and URL a secret. I want to at least get the basics in place before I tell you where to look for it :)
And Thanks Christian. Thank you for the idea. Thank you for being you. This concept has really done good things for me. It really has. And I expect by the time I’m done with it, I will finally “get” me haha. That’s important! So thank you. And to those who are easily offended: stay away. This is going to be a very real account of everything. And I’ve been to amazing lows and amazing highs… and everywhere in between. I’m not going to apologize for any of it, so if you’re worried about what you might find there, don’t read any of it! Hahaha gotta love it :)
